"helmets, helmets, helmets"
Because I can't stop staring at The Don Surber, I used the Lex-Nex to find his old Charleston Daily Mail columns. Moooootherfucker, can this guy type it real simple-like. October 26, 2001:I feel like the cop waving traffic around the wreck. Move along. Nothing to see here, folks. Return to normal.Ahhh, uhhh, errr...
Except, Americans refuse to return to normal.
And no one can make them.
People love the panic. Halloween seems so lame now.
Being threatened flatters them. Makes them feel important.
[...]
"May you live in interesting times" is a curse in some cultures. Not so in America.
Sorry, my brain just died a little, just for a moment, there. Onward! October 19, 2001:
Patriotism and God are controversial, but good and evil are clear.So, see, all the way back in the month after 9/11, he was already daring to clear up that whole "Osama bin Laden -- good guy or not such a good guy?" question.
Dubya framed the issue, rallied the nation and frustrated his critics. That Big Media consortium quietly killed its recount of Florida's votes.
Osama bin Laden is evil. His money comes from extortion, drug peddling and slavery.
And before 9/11? Damn right, he was already writing about the Important Stuff. February 9, 2001:
Liberals should lighten up. It was only one election. They need to find something to do and get on with their lives.I. Am. Not. Making. This shit up.
Michael Eisner could build them a new theme park - a politically correct Disneyland.
Ah, Liberal Land. The music rocks. The people are beautiful. The food is healthy, though bland.
Children don't have to be 48 inches tall to ride the roller coaster. Height discrimination.
But they do have to wear a helmet to ride the roller coaster, flying saucers and the Tunnel of Love.
Helmets, helmets, helmets.
"Halloween seems so lame now." He says. In October. Of 2001.
More excerpts later, I absolutely guarantee.
And, see, I'm already writing like Don Surber.
Just after reading a few of his columns.
I wonder why.
That is.
Happening.
Helmets, helmets, helmets.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep....
posted by Chris Bray @ 11:54 PM
2 Comments:
"They should listen to Cooper and tell Reid and Pelosi where to stick the timetables."
Yeah, you politico demo fucks! That's right. We don't cotton to no timetables. Those are for trains. And trains that run on time are for pinkos and politico demos. Pinko politico demo bastards! Suck on that!
Pretty sure that's the marketing text from Jonah Goldberg's new book....
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