commence infantalizationThe United States Army is...It...They...
Oh, just go read the headline. Yeeeessss, your tax dollars are being used to teach our troops who to fuck. My favorite paragraph about this exciting program:
It teaches the lovestruck to pace themselves with a R.A.M. chart - the Relationship Attachment Model - which basically says don't let your sexual involvement exceed your level of commitment or level of knowledge about the other person.Sally, I'd like to proceed to the oral copulation stage with you at this time, but first we'll need to complete section nine in the government workbook: Educational experiences of intended partner, K-12. How were your grades? Did you enroll in honors-level classes? What about detention, suspension, or other disciplinary measures? No? Very well, then. I have checked the appropriate block on the sexual process chart. Let us commence.
Having been tortured through similar lifestyle classes during my own exciting military career, I can easily guess at the horribleness of this one. And thank god I'm already married, because it spares me from ever having to watch a government official read to me a PowerPoint presentation about my own penis.
Now then, sergeant, that completes the instruction session. If you're ready, we'll start the examination: At what R.A.M. stage do you allow yourself to put your pee pee into a girl's hoo hoo?
Join the Army, and you'll never have to worry about becoming a grown-up and making your own way in the world. How refreshing.